December 18, 2008
This feature contains certain forward-looking statements, such as “could,” “might,” “in the event of,” “assuming that,” “I desperately want,” and “kill George Smitherman,” and does not constitute an offer to sell securities. Please remember that options involve risk and should not be handled by children without adult supervision. Avoid contact with eyes, skin, and lesions. Flush out eyes with a mixture of water and ammonia and induce vomiting. Consult certified dealer in your area and do not attempt repair yourself, otherwise your account may be closed without warning, and tort litigation may be commenced to protect carrier from third-party claims. Store at room temperature or cook immediately, otherwise blindness may result. The 5-day grace period does not apply to residents of Quebec or to foreign nationals not currently registered with the Company’s licensed representatives. Side-effects may include dizziness, temporary loss of consciousness, and a compulsion to give money to beggars. You must advise us in writing of any changes by standing in a well-ventilated room or designating a co-conspirator to occupy your unit in the event of a flood, fire, epidemic, or civil unrest. To avoid shock, hide in a closet without windows or seek shelter above ground. Move away from any siren and follow the directions in the accompanying product description. Lie on any sharp object to avoid prosecution. The limited liability as set forth in the owner’s manual is superseded by the laws of your state or province, as designated in the relevant criminal code and/or the Compromise of 1850. Management is not responsible for acts of violence to pets or accidental termination of your coverage by application of adhesive to porous or non-porous surfaces. A skill-testing question may be required before the lessor may be released to the custody of a parent, guardian, or inmate of a mental institution. Winners will be notified by a refugee claimant who has been ordered to appear for a deportation hearing, or by sending a cheque by registered mail to any officer of a labour union (in Quebec, officer of a biker gang). No animals were harmed or discriminated against in the making of this product, except as permitted in Section Three of the Prospectus (“Exemptions for Aboriginal Persons”). Contestants must be of legal drinking age, with a criminal record and previous claim of legal insanity, and must be accompanied by a bonded technician (in Quebec, member of a separatist party). The Provider may enter your home and remove any persons or property necessary to bring your account into compliance (or may designate a proxy to do so), and may bill you for this service. Subscribers may not hold long and short positions simultaneously, except by special arrangement with the Courts or Armed Forces. A non-white illegal alien with a speech defect may be sent to your home to instruct you on the use of this product and to molest your children. Your rights under the warranty may be modified without warning according to the terms of the McCarran Act, and amendments thereto, and your coverage may be voided, at your expense. Discontinue use if paralysis develops and consult dealer or pharmacist. Allow 90 days for evidence of any dispute to be processed by monkeys. Liability to the buyer continues indefinitely, and to his heirs and successors. Some components may explode, causing death. Discontinue use in this event and provide details in writing to the Customer Service Dept. Reading this far constitutes your acceptance of all terms, including future amendments thereto, and is valid in all jurisdictions.
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