Light That Cigarette Now!

January 30, 2009

    Non-smoking is not allowed in my home.  That’s right.  All visitors are required to smoke.  If you are a non-smoker, please leave your nasty habit at home, because I do not want to be exposed to your second-hand non-smoking.  My house, my rules, get it?

    You have choices when you visit me: cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe.  If you come unprepared, I will supply you, good host that I am.  My place is set up for the pleasure of smokers.  Here is an ash tray.  Here is a lighter.  I can open the window.  And there are two air purifiers going at all times.

    Anyone who can’t stand tobacco smoke is a wimp.  So take your sissy, prissy non-smoking out of here.  I don’t want your kind in my home!

    Eisenhower smoked.  MacArthur smoked.  Patton smoked.  Montgomery smoked.  Churchill smoked.  I’m with them!  Non-smokers can camp with Hitler. 

    I’m smoking my pipe right now.  Everything I’ve ever written was written while I was smoking.  Do you love my writing, or don’t you?  If you do, prove it.  Light that cigarette now!

    Copyright@ 2009 by Crad Kilodney, Toronto, Canada.  E-mail:


One Response to “Light That Cigarette Now!”

  1. joelkazoo Says:

    That does it: I’m smoking again, Crad!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: