Crad Kilodney–New Writings

Light That Cigarette Now!


    Non-smoking is not allowed in my home.  That’s right.  All visitors are required to smoke.  If you are a non-smoker, please leave your nasty habit at home, because I do not want to be exposed to your second-hand non-smoking.  My house, my rules, get it?

    You have choices when you visit me: cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe.  If you come unprepared, I will supply you, good host that I am.  My place is set up for the pleasure of smokers.  Here is an ash tray.  Here is a lighter.  I can open the window.  And there are two air purifiers going at all times.

    Anyone who can’t stand tobacco smoke is a wimp.  So take your sissy, prissy non-smoking out of here.  I don’t want your kind in my home!

    Eisenhower smoked.  MacArthur smoked.  Patton smoked.  Montgomery smoked.  Churchill smoked.  I’m with them!  Non-smokers can camp with Hitler. 

    I’m smoking my pipe right now.  Everything I’ve ever written was written while I was smoking.  Do you love my writing, or don’t you?  If you do, prove it.  Light that cigarette now!

    Copyright@ 2009 by Crad Kilodney, Toronto, Canada.  E-mail: