Why It Is Okay To Kill Baby Seals

February 3, 2009

    You’ve seen the pictures.  You’ve seen the video clips.  You’ve read the propaganda.  You’ve heard the protests.  And it’s all bunk.  There is nothing wrong whatever with killing baby seals.

    Most of you have never actually seen a baby seal.  If you woke up in the middle of the night and found one beside your bed, you’d scream so loud you’d wake up the whole building.  You’d call the police.  You’d sue your landlord.  You sure as hell would not keep it as a pet.

    Out in Labrador, nobody likes seals very much unless they’re dead.  Then you can sell the skins or make soup out of the flippers.  But mainly the Labradorans have to fish to make a living because there’s no other economy.  Seals eat fish.  With fish stocks declining, the seals are an economic threat.  So you have to kill them.

    But there are other good reasons.  Baby seals stink, they spread diseases, and they attack people!   You didn’t read about that in the save-the-seals ads, did you?  Oh, no.  And the politically correct media don’t want to report it.  Baby seals have been known to kill and eat small children!  Ask the Eskimoes.  They’ll tell you so.  And so will anyone in Labrador.

    Why do baby seals get bashed in the head?  Why does it have to be so gruesome?  Because the Canadian government makes it too difficult and expensive to own guns, that’s why!  So you get a club or a pick axe, what else?

    Animal rights activists act like killing baby seals is the worst atrocity imaginable, but they don’t say boo about the Chinese eating cats and dogs!  (The word we are trying to think of begins with “h” and ends with “y.”)  Mustn’t attack the Chinese.  That would be racist.  They have their culture, after all.  And besides, no one ever sees the Chinese killing and eating cats and dogs.  The Labradorians, on the other hand, club those seals in broad daylight, as if they’re not the least bit ashamed of it!  (Now that’s real Canadian culture!  Tough white men! Violence! The outdoors! Books by Crad Kilodney!)

    If you think baby seals are cute and cuddly, adopt one.  That’s what animal rights activist Anne Ashley of California did.  And guess what happened to her.  The seal bit her on the leg, and the wound became so infected that her leg had to be amputated!  And she was given a $100 fine for having an illegal pet under a local ordinance.  Just deserts!

    Now are you convinced?  Baby seals are our enemies! 

    Copyright@ 2009 by Crad Kilodney, Toronto, Canada.  E-mail: crad166@yahoo.com

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78 Responses to “Why It Is Okay To Kill Baby Seals”

  1. Sean Black Says:

    It is possible to read your books and club baby seals at the same time…. there is nothing more Canadian than that

    • John Says:

      U fucking bastards! Kill a seal and you will go straight to HELL! Where you belong! U fucking retards! If I ever get my hands on you I willl sue you for all youve got and you will rot in prison and die there! Once your in hell well see how happy you are and be tortured your whole life! You will ask for mercy but it will be to late! I will stangle you with my bare hands if I have to! I would never scream if I had a seal in my room! You bastar all you think about is they attack you! Who wouldnt if you ran up to them with a stick?

    • etreid88 Says:

      Wooooooow. As much as Idc, I felt obliged to register and tell everyone in this old dead thread: Crad Kilodney, because of registered responses, is now a very successful troll.

      To John,
      How do you know for sure if Crad will go to hell? Sounds like an opinion. If you get your hands on him? You can’t hold a decent lawsuit on simple hearsay. The judges will make fun of you and stuff, pretty much. Strangle him? Now you’re the defendent for aggravated assault and battery. And for the record, if anyone or anything immediately threatens the lives of my loved ones or me, Ima grab my babyseal killin club and swing away. So for your health, chill before you hurt yourself in a stupid way.

      To others,
      Same goes for you kiddies. Relax. You’ve been trolled.

      To Crad,
      Dude, really, that’s pretty fucked up, you know. Then again, the whole world is pretty fucked up too. Great job on the troll, though. Keep on clubbin.

      To me,
      I’m gonna go punch some baby pandas and eat a cat in Japan or something.

      • Bibi Says:

        You Canadians are something else. I thought Canadian people were supposed to be nice. I’ve actually been to Edmonton and thought it was lovely, especially around Banff. How have things become to hostile over there.
        In my opinion baby animals should me killed at all and certainly not so brutally as hacking them to death. The poor baby whimpering seals. How could you? You must truly be a real DEMON. If you had any brains at all or if you were a nice person you wouldn’t do this job. Why don’t you try to do something good in your life and think of a better way of humanely ……..Oh! I was going to say killing; but you know what – fuck you. Go vegetarian then you might have a better outlook on life and not want to destroy beautiful things.

      • cradkilodney Says:

        Excellent reinforcement of syntactical dichotomy, thrusting into modernity and hyper-realization.

    • olivia Says:

      what the hell people do actually care and are trying to stop the bloody chiness and clearly you have LOST YOUR BLOODY FUKEN MIND if i saw a baby seal i wouldnt kill it and you know they have the right to kill you fuken basturds because do you know how many animals we fuken kill and so what the fish is their only food you fuken asshole if we can kill them for eating our food why can’t they kill us for eating their food wwe have actually got other things we can eat they don’t you fuken retards think and use your fuken brain and that guy was right you WILL go to hell were you belong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from a fuken pissed 12 year old girl and yes 12 year old girls do care ad they can use this kind of language and stop thinking that we don’t because we do you fuken asshole and there are
      LOTS of people that HATE the FUKEN CHINESSE AND YOU PEOPLE THAT ARE KILLING INOCENT ANIMALS YOU FUKEN ASSHOLE BASTURD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. abhishek buchanan Says:

    if you are killing seals because seals kill people then you could use the same argument against lions,tigers,bulls,elephants and so on……
    it does not mean that we should kill animals because they attack us….they are best left alone in the wild…..

    these are the reasons why your argument is WRONG

    1.seals eat fish.correct.but they have been doing so since millions of years.and fish stocks are not depleting since millions of years.fish stocks are depleting because of overfishing by people like crad kilodney.in order to save their skin, they blame the seals for eating fish! absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable.

    2.even normal pets like dogs and cats stink,spread diseases and attack people.so why dont you go further to eradicate them too??? in parts of africa and SE asia,even stray dogs are known to kill and eat babies.if given a chance then any carnivore/omnivore wild animal will eat humans…
    it is our responsiblity to keep animals away from babies…

    3.chinese DO NOT eat cats and dogs.it is crad kilodney’s wrong information,if not a rumour.

    4.if you think that canadian culture is “Tough white men! Violence! The outdoors! Books by Crad Kilodney!” then you are the most ignorant person lurking out there!!! you are mentally ill and DO NOT deserve to be a part of civilized human society.you are best left in the wild to live on your own.

    5.it was a blunder on part of anne ashley to keep a wild animal as a pet.does anyone want to keep a tiger cub as a pet??? it might look cute and cuddly when it is small but nature has made it a predator and its true nature will be revealed one day or the other.as i said….these animals are best left alone in the wild with their habitat….

    think….because you can make a difference….

    • Cancerrific Says:

      You must’ve missed the memo. Baby seals cause cancer if left unattended. Kill the baby seals, kill the cancer.

      • olivia Says:

        WELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK KILL THE PEOPLE AND THE ANIMALS ARE LEFT IN PEACE TO LIVE THEIR HAPPY LIVES THEY ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HUMANS I AM EVEN WILLING TO DIE FOR THE ANIMALS I AM WILLING TO KILL PEOPLE FOR THE ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Janjaq Says:

    I’ve been studying this case and I think you’re right; It’s pure propaganda.

  4. Kill Crad Kilodney Says:

    So help me god if i ever find you i will kill you with a spoon. or maybe another blunt object you use to kill seals.

  5. chis pucket Says:

    word^^^

    I love all creatures of god well besides you:]

    • Cancerrific Says:

      Well then, you’re not a real Christian. You’re a selective designer-based christian. The Pope happily shits in your communion for that, boyo.

      • Bibi Says:

        None of your messages make sense. Did they teach you this stuff at School

      • cradkilodney Says:

        Those whose messages you are referring to should reply. All foods are okay to eat in the proper amount. This is the Universal Law of Food.

  6. mark Says:

    http://www.zoofilia.gr/newsletters/stopviolence.html
    You are criminals. People have to kill you to clean earth. it is shame!

    • Cancerrific Says:

      Nah, you’re a shame. What evidence do you have on criminal matters? That’s ok, I can wait for an answer.

  7. sushino Says:

    Seals eat fish. Fish stocks are declining. Therefore, kill seals?

    People eat fish. Fish stocks are declining. By your logic, we should kill people who eat fish?

  8. Chelsea Says:

    Crad Kilodney, you are an idiot! You think that the world revolves around Homo Sapiens. If people don’t want to be attacked by seals, it doesn’t take rocket science to know how to avoid them. They are not meant to be owned as pets. They should be left in their habitat, undisturbed. We are much more dangerous to the wilderness than any of it is to us. We pollute the environment, introduce species, kidnap animals for captivity, and remove any predators we don’t want near us. We’d keep murderers and unwanted embryos alive before any animals that bother us. What selfish, specist gluttons humans are!

    There has to be other ways fisherman could make a living. They could be driving cabs, delivering food, working at recycling facilities, or anything else that doesn’t require a college degree. It isn’t pleasant, but it’s better than living on the streets. It’s not their fault that their parents couldn’t afford their further education.

  9. Bloodfart Says:

    Howzit goin?

    I’m sorry I haven’t written in almost a year. Lot’s ‘o crazy shit’s happened. I will be sending you a letter soon.

    Fuck baby seals and fuck all the dumb cunts that take everything too seriously.
    But I’m pretty sure some of them are just givin you shit.

  10. jake Says:

    I’d love to have sex with a baby seal, its my dream to do so.

  11. I hate you Says:

    Wat is ur problem. I dont think you would like it if you start your life off as an innocent baby seal and then a person comes along and beats you and lets you die slowly. SO SHUT UP AND STOP MAKING PEOPLE KILL THESE OR ILL KILL YOU. I DONT CARE IF I GET ARRESTED I WOULD KILL EVERYONE WHO KILLS ALL THESE. this is called “Cruelty” when it comes to animals, If you were that seal you wouldnt go “Omg yay these people are here to kill me :D!” its not fun killing these !!!

    • cradkilodney Says:

      This is from yousuck@hotmail.com. I want everyone to see what sort of criminals infest the animal rights movement — people who make anonymous death threats.

      • Jessie Says:

        This goes to anyone that thinks its alright to kill animals.. if i saw u on the street i would rip the skin off your back and let u lay there and slowly die! even that wouldnt be the “starters” your a nasty country and who really cares about the iglue folk? there the one who decided to go and live near the seals. seals gotta eat too they aint got no choice where they live. you are a foul nasty man. and i just hope one day real soon something nasty happends to you infact even your kids. God please let ur kingdom come!! So all you seal killing SCUM can get ur “deserts” well and truley dished out!

      • cradkilodney Says:

        The quality of your written English is a true reflection of the level of intelligence in the animal rights movement. Your perspicacity cannot be measured.

      • etreid88 Says:

        Jessie, if I saw you on the street, would you rip the skin off my back too? Idk, kiddo, but you’d have to really, really try your darndest to succeed. First off, because your argument cancelled itself out when you speak of God’s kingdom after your little death threat to him and any offspring he may have generated. Think about it. Second, I’m a scary man. I’ve got a fighter’s reputation dating back to my pre-K days. Bullies, rottweilers, Varsity linebackers, and SF operatives were nowhere near capable of taking me out. I’d say you’re no different. My response to your challenge? I’d rearrange your organs with my legs, which might actually be possible after so much marching, 1000+ lbs. leg pressing median, marathons, extensive Tae Kwon Do focus with black belt, and various freerunning terrains.

        Jessie, just shut up. You sound stupid. That’s the point.

        IHATEYOU, you kill anyone lately to determine if it’s fun or not? Let me know your rebuttal. I enjoy a good ole killzone myself. Researching Psychology for over 6 years pretty much helps me knock PTSD out the park.

        Now, let’s go club some seals.

  12. I hate you Says:

    Your just another retard who thinks its okay to kill animals that DO WHAT THEY ARE MADE FOR. If Anne Ashley adopted a seal THATS HER FAULT. I bet she didnt let it get used to her, and since its a baby i dont think it likes to get taken away from its mother. And your talking about wildlife, Lions, Tigers, Bears, and all those do the exact same thing, they attack humans and no one does anything about it, so why blame it all on the seals you cold hearted freak.

    • cradkilodney Says:

      Anyone who would like to reply to this genius can write to yousuck@hotmail.com.

    • etreid88 Says:

      Oh up in the north where it’s really really cold
      We running out of money and we running out of gold
      So I decided to make my living
      Killing the baby seals….

      That’s my old marching cadence. Love it.

      • cradkilodney Says:

        This piece has attracted more hits than anything else on my blog page. Please, visitors, try this: go to the Archives box on the right, open it, pick a month at random, and just go and see what’s there. Be curious!

  13. taylergutierrez Says:

    YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!! HOW DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY THAT ITS OK TO TAKE THE INNOCENT LIVES OF BABY SEALS?! THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!! FUCK YOU

  14. Marie Says:

    This reminds me of the Hating Autism blog. It uses the same fallacious language that attacks groups of people rather than use true rhetoric.

  15. viva la france Says:

    Okay, children, time to go to school. While I’m pretty certain cradkilody’s mum is an old slut, please note the following: A) this is tagged “canadian satire, weird humor.”. B) when you see an outrageous claim, google it you lazy bastards…there is no Ashley chic who adopted a baby seal….clevercrad made that up. See? Weird humor. C) men who use the word “c**t” have smaller than average penises and 4.5 times more prone to premature ejaculation and erectile disfunction. This is a scientific fact, proven by a University of California study.
    Look it up. D) the Chinese DO eat puppies and kittens and yes, you CAN see it for yourself…..visit any farmer’s market in China. You will also find live snakes, scorpions and all sorts of other things it would never occur to over-indulged Canadians to eat. Look it up or, better yet, buy a ticket to China and see for yourself. Finally, the phrase is “just desserts.” There is no such thing as a Just Desert. Ask a baby camel. Then bash its brains in. Like a good Canadian.

    • cradkilodney Says:

      Please vote for the 2009 Canadian Dickhead of the Year, if you haven’t already (Jan. 5 post). Thanks for the good comment. Enjoy me also at http://www.cradkilodney.net. The phrase is “just deserts” — i.e., things justly deserved. Trust me on that. Thanks again.

  16. ihatepplthatkillanimals Says:

    I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU THINK IT’S OK TO KILL A BABY SEAL JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO??, the reason why canadian government makes it so hard to buy a gun is because fuckards like you ppl will use it to kill animals, and maybe they attack people because ALOT OF PPL LIKE YOU KILL THEM,

    my school has alot people that are so pissed off about ppl who kill any animal, fucking bastards “oh there is nothing wrong watever with killing baby seals.” well would you like it if someone just comes up to you and bash you on the fucking head? “oh there animals they have no feelings” WELL THEY DO, THERE LIVING CREATURES TOO. the world is fucking losing sharks, fish, seals and other animals because of ppl like you, greedy, selfish bitches that just want money,i hope you ppl go to hell for killing a innocent life like that.

    PS and thanks for all the ppl that accually help animals stay alive from those animal killing bitches, god bless you 😀

    have a nice day 😛

    • cradkilodney Says:

      What school do you go to? And why are you not able to write English properly?

    • ed Says:

      please dress up as a baby seal during the harvesting season in canada! baby seals deserve to die!

    • etreid88 Says:

      Your school must suck then, cuz your grammar iz stoopid liek heleen kellurrrrrrr. Why hate someone you don’t even know? Pretty silly. Are you studying Behavioral Psychology of Animals and People authentically? I doubt it, so call it a hunch when I say you’re just hurrting yourself there when you try to analyze the source of violence. Your school has alot of people who hate animal cruelty? lolz Come at me, bro. I’d go to Ranger School just to deal with whaledong suckers like yourself, sport. BUT I’m not gonna do that. No sir, not for you. This is what I will do. I will tell you and your school that you need some help. Go to a therapist or the gym and vent. Go for a relaxing walk. Go kiss a baby seal. Do that, cuz threatening an author’s well being for your opinions makes you sound like an EVIL BABY SEAL KILLER yourself.

  17. kim Says:

    I can guarantee by reading your arguement that you are not educated. They are so faulty, I’d say high school diploma at best.

    • cradkilodney Says:

      Your “guarantee” makes you a fool. Search “Crad Kilodney” at Wikipedia. My diploma eats whatever you’ve got.

      • etreid88 Says:

        Crad won. He’s an old troll author with a degree in astronomy. I think I even skimmed a couple of his books in Biloxi when I was looking for some philosophy material and stuff. Kim, you lost that argument there. I’d stake my GED on it.

  18. poli bonsai Says:

    i no god to kill a bab is like some one coming towards you and for no reaso to kill you!!

  19. ed Says:

    baby seals deserve to die, just like the assholes who think it’s wrong to kill them.

  20. ed Says:

    steve nash likes to club baby seals after winning nba games, he’s my hero!

  21. kim Says:

    you need to watch more AV everyday, lol

  22. Valencia Rogers Says:

    You need to be locked up behind bars for life. Its low life people like you that the world needs to get rid of.


  23. Tjhe fact is they kill them for there fir and no other reson. Do we really need seal fur in the 21 century. I not going to theaten anybody. Other countries stop killing animals for just there fur why can’t canada do the same. The fact is about seal killing children, What is a child doing doing that far north by the artic, Which is where they kill them, Oh my god a living thing eating fish that we’re over fishing. Lets just kill everything that eats fish. Every mamal carries diseases even humans. Let’s just kill everything on this planet and get it over with Then world can start all over again with a species that won’t destory it. Thank you very much.

  24. i hate crad Says:

    i hate you crad how can u say that baby seals stink i bet u have never seen 1 in ur life go on http://www.harpseals.org/index.php and you will see how cute and Innocent they r

    • cradkilodney Says:

      I write proper English with complete words and sentences and proper spelling and punctuation. You should do the same. Over 1,400 visitors have read this piece, and only 1% have objected to it. So you are in a very small minority.

  25. Michael Corsale Says:

    U ignorant c*nts. It’s because of proletariat like this the world is f*cked. We shouldn’t me killing anything. We are herbivores by nature we shouldn’t even be eating fish, so go get another job u retards or move somewhere where u don’t have to club seals to catch fish. F*cking inbreeds.

  26. Harsha Says:

    world is full of sick people like u, if u kill any animal or man u are helpless. you will definitely suffer because of your karma. so people don’t worry about this bastard , he will pay what he or others do the same.
    “There is nothing wrong whatever with killing baby seals.” wow this reflect your mind and your backgrounds. I guess your mother is a slut who give her body to any one for money. (dont know u have a mother) and as your words its ok to kill people like you too because you stinks, your thoughts are stinks and attack animals. mercy on you.

    ps:my English is bad,i guess it is ok since it readable.

    • cradkilodney Says:

      I am glad that you liked my article. An author appreciates such excellent feedback. Please feel free to browse around the page and look for other enjoyable works.

  27. Frank Says:

    Crad, You know you’re one of my favorite writers, but animal abuse is where I draw the line, even when it’s schtick. So what if they bite people who are in their habitat or are stupid enough to adopt one without, say, owning a seal-grade swimming pool to put them in?

    Commenters: That having been said, I really don’t think Crad would club a baby seal. He’s a buddhist monk at heart…I think. (:

    Crad, Just reread SIMPLE STORIES FOR IDIOTS–though I had to pay through the nose to get it–too bad that stuff isn’t available for the masses cheap. What’s wrong with publishers? Did they really think that wouldn’t sell if people saw it back in the day on the rack for five bucks???


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