I have figured out how to save GM from bankruptcy. The Chinese are going to do it for us.
If GM goes bankrupt, the U.S. goes into a depression, and the U.S. dollar collapses. That would be bad for the Chinese, with all the U.S. government bonds they’re holding, right? So what they have to do is buy up all of GM’s vehicle inventory and ship it to China. That will give GM a big cash infusion, and the shipping companies benefit, too.
The Chinese then sell lottery tickets all over the country, with the GM cars as prizes. They can easily absorb that many cars, and the lottery proceeds will pay for them, so the Chinese government breaks even.
Such a lottery would be especially popular in rural regions. The guy in the village who wins a car becomes the big shot of the village, even if he can only afford to drive his car a few times a year.
And think of the subtle propaganda value for the U.S. when those little Chinks sit in cars made for normal-sized Americans!
We buy so much shoddy merchandise from the Chinese (like can openers that won’t open any can, and tape that won’t stick to anything), they really owe us anyway, don’t you think?
Now somebody please pass the word on to Rick Wagoner and Pres. Hu Jintao — and I mean now!
Copyright@ 2009 by Crad Kilodney, Toronto, Canada. E-mail: email@example.com