Voting is now open for the 2009 Canadian Dickhead of the Year! You don’t have to be Canadian to vote. Everyone in the world is invited to vote, so spread the word!
I have collected for your consideration ten worthy candidates who made the news during 2009. They’re all exceptional dickheads, but only one gets to be named the Canadian Dickhead of the Year. You decide.
Here they are, in alphabetical order:
1. Dr. Moustafa Adams
This Edmonton doctor, an Egyptian-born Muslim, is suing Air Canada for $162,000, alleging racial profiling after a dispute with a flight attendant during a flight from Edmonton to Cairo, via London. At Heathrow Airport he was interrogated by police for 45 minutes. On the return trip, Air Canada made him sign a document promising not to create a disturbance. Adams claims he has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of Air Canada’s treatment. As well, he claims he has suffered guilt, shame, degradation, mental anguish, fear, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, and a phobia for flying. (Source: Edmonton Sun, September 20, 2009)
2. Keith Barton
This 73-year-old Minto, New Brunswick, man smashed six dogs in the head with a hammer to “euthanize” them. Five of the dogs died. Barton had been charged with failing to provide properly for the dogs under the provincial SPCA Act. Testifying in his own defence, he said he feared what might happen to his dogs if they were taken away by the SPCA, so he decided to euthanize them himself. He said he believed he had the right to do this. (Source: Fredericton Daily Gleaner, January 8, 2009)
3. William Blair
Toronto Chief of Police William Blair allowed thousands of Tamil protesters to block downtown Toronto streets, as well as the Don Valley Parkway and Gardiner Expressway, on numerous occasions from April 27th to May 16th. The protesters were demonstrating their support for the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. (Toronto has the largest population of Tamils outside of Sri Lanka.) Not one protester was charged with blocking any roadway. Instead, hundreds of police officers were occupied for extended periods watching (and protecting) the protesters and directing traffic, thereby compromising the safety of the rest of the city. When Blair was hired in 2005, he said his main concern was to combat racism. That year he became the first Toronto Chief of Police to march in the Gay Pride Parade. More recently, he held a recruitment day in the gay ghetto to encourage gays and trannies to become police officers. (Sources: cnews.canoe.ca and Toronto Star, April 27 to May 16, 2009)
4. Daniel Jacques Chartrand
This 39-year-old caregiver left an elderly man with Parkinson’s Disease lying in his own urine and feces while he spent the sick man’s money. Approximately a million dollars was spent on luxury cars over a period of two years. The elderly man was discovered emaciated and lying on the floor. He eventually died in a nursing home. A judge called Chartrand’s callousness “despicable” but was constrained to give him a light sentence because of precedents and because Chartrand was schizophrenic. (Source: Ottawa Sun, August 11, 2009)
5. Crystal McPherson
This Winnipeg crack addict tried to set a house on fire because she didn’t like the quality of drugs she was getting. Asked why she set the fire, Crystal McPherson told police: “Because they are a bunch of fucking crackheads and they ripped me off.” The 37-year-old addict threw a pop bottle filled with gasoline on the porch of the house, starting a small fire. A resident was able to put it out. (Source: Winnipeg Sun, March 27, 2009)
6. Erik Millett
The Principal of Belleisle Elementary School in Springfield, Newfoundland, dropped the singing of “O Canada” from the school’s morning routine. Principal Erik Millett made the decision for the sake of “cultural diversity.” He said he did not want to force children to sing “O Canada” if it went against their beliefs. He also said that the anthem was a distraction to students. Few people have objected to the new policy, according to Millett. (Sources: Saint John Telegraph-Journal, January 23, and cbc.ca, January 28, 2009)
7. Christine Papakyriakou
This 52-year-old accountant from Hamilton embezzled over $7 million from her employer, Andres Wines, to feed her gambling addiction. Now she is suing two Niagara casinos and the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp. for $10 million for giving her perks designed to keep her gambling. Papakyriakou also gambled extensively in Las Vegas and Aruba and on the Internet. (Source: Hamilton Spectator, April 25, 2009)
8. Prof. Ayelet Shachar
This University of Toronto legal scholar says that people born in prosperous countries should be forced to pay a tax for their citizenship. In her book, The Birthright Lottery, Prof. Shachar says it is sheer luck if we are born in a nice country — not something we actually deserve — and she likens it to European feudalism, where land passed untaxed from one generation to the next. She says that the benefits of being born in the right place are like an inheritance and should be taxed. The money would, of course, be doled out to people in the Third World, who were not born so lucky. For Americans, the “birthright privilege levy” would be about $1,000; for Canadians, a little less. (Source: Toronto Star, May 2, 2009)
9. Brittney Simpson
This 19-year-old woman from Kitchener, Ontario, assaulted an Olympic torch bearer in the town of Guelph. Simpson was one of a large group of protesters known as the Olympics Resistance Network, who carried signs with the slogan “No Olympics on Stolen Native Land.” The torch bearer was knocked down, but the flame did not go out. Simpson was charged with assault. The Olympic Torch Run has been harassed by the Olympics Resistance Network and aboriginal protesters on several occasions. (Source: Canadian Press, December 28, 2009)
10. Mahmoud Yadegari
This 38-year-old Iranian immigrant, now a Canadian citizen, has been charged with attempting to ship pressure transducers to Iran for use in uranium enrichment for nuclear weapons. Mahmoud Yadegari purchased the devices from a Boston-area company and falsified the paperwork in order to export the items without a permit. The company tipped off U.S. agents, who in turn tipped off the RCMP. (Source: Toronto Star, April 18, 2009)
HOW TO VOTE
1. Vote by e-mail only. The address is email@example.com.
2. Pick your THREE favorite candidates, and tell me your FIRST CHOICE, SECOND CHOICE, and THIRD CHOICE. They will be weighted 3 points (First), 2 points (Second), and 1 point (Third). The winner will be based on total aggregate points.
3. Votes will be accepted until May 31, 2010. Everyone is eligible to vote — not just Canadians.
4. Your personal comments are welcome, but they must come by e-mail. Don’t post them in the “Comments” box. I will publish the best comments.
5. The winners (top three) will be announced in June.
The previous Canadian Dickhead of the Year ran in 2003. You can view it at www.cradkilodney.net.
Got a news item for me for next year’s Dickhead Contest? E-mail it to me. The Dickhead candidate must be Canadian, he or she must be named, and the news source must be indicated.
Copyright@ 2010 by Crad Kilodney, Toronto, Canada. E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org