Mohammed’s Secret Pants

December 27, 2012

    Mohammed’s career as a prophet of God was made possible by aliens, who gave him a secret pair of pants that allowed them to communicate with him.  Up until that time he lived as a merchant, selling cloth and other goods.

    After his first marriage, in 595, at the age of 25, he spent much time in a cave meditating.  It was there that he eventually made contact with aliens posing as angels.  They gave him a pair of pants to wear under his robe and told him to expect messages from God.  The pants contained a communication device and also may have had other powers.  The device was probably so inconspicuous that it blended in with the fabric.

    The only description of these pants is that they were of a light colour and a light fabric suitable for the heat of the desert.  They had to be concealed from view, however, as they were not a familiar form of dress at that time.

    His first actual contact with aliens took place in 610, when an alien posing as the angel Gabriel gave him the secret pants.  There were difficulties, however, as the signals made Mohammed sick, and he often would not wear the pants.  He also had doubts about the aliens themselves, and they may have had second thoughts about him, too.  It took three years for these problems to be resolved, after which Mohammed began preaching the messages sent to him.

    The aliens’ purpose in contacting Mohammed was to spread a spiritual message that would be beneficial to mankind.  However, another race of aliens, hostile to the first, attempted to sabotage the communications by sending their own messages, which were of a very different and evil nature.  These messages commanded Mohammed to recognize three Meccan goddesses and reject monotheism.  The erroneous preachings that resulted are known today as the Satanic Verses.  Fortunately, the good aliens managed to drive away the bad ones and reestablish normal communication with Mohammed.

    In 620, Mohammed was taken aboard a UFO by the aliens, who took him from Mecca to Jerusalem to view the Al-Aqsa Mosque.  He was also transported through different dimensions of space-time, viewing “heaven” and “hell” and having conversations with aliens posing as earlier prophets, such as Abraham, Moses, and Jesus.  He was also taken to the aliens’ mother ship, a huge craft that resembled the monument known as the Kaaba, in Mecca.  This craft is still in orbit around the Earth, at a distance of 100,000 miles.

    In 622, the aliens warned Mohammed of a plot to assassinate him and told him to go to Medina.  Rumours had reached his enemies that he wore a secret garment under his robe that gave him supernatural powers.  In 630, he returned to conquer Mecca with an enormous army.  They were protected by the aliens, so there were almost no casualties.

    Mohammed died a natural death in 632 in the home of one of his wives, Aisha.  Before he died, he revealed to her the existence of his secret pants and asked her to entrust them to a close relative who  lived in a small town.  What happened to the pants after that is a mystery.  They were never seen again.  Some ufologists believe the pants may have been taken back by the aliens.  But it is also possible that they were lost or destroyed, either accidentally or deliberately.  Another possibility is that the  pants ended up in the hands of someone who did not realize their significance and simply put them away as a curiosity of fashion.  If that is the case, the aliens would have certainly turned off the communication device long ago.  However, the pants, being made of some highly advanced fiber, would likely still be physically intact today.

    Documents supporting this article may be found in the rare manuscript collection of the Appalachian State University Library, the archives of the German National Library in Leipzig, and the private collection of Carlos Ghosn.


4 Responses to “Mohammed’s Secret Pants”

  1. Tony Wilson Says:

    My friend.
    IF you believe the above b/s you need help – like quick! Why did you even post the article?

  2. Paul Hurst Says:

    And why not? Makes more sense that the translation called the Bible does. Words change over time along with their meanings. Secret Pants make sense. I liked the story.

  3. Rob Sharp Says:

    I knew it.

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