Thank you for attending this story, “Atomic Meat Monsters On Broadway.” It is a very good one, and I insist that you read it right to the end, otherwise I shall be very angry. If you offend me, my little friends will open a portal into your bedroom, render you unconscious, and take you far away. Some of their experiments are fatal, and I have told them I will provide the necessary subjects to be sacrificed.
This story is sponsored by Mattel, makers of Barbie and Hot Wheels. They have paid me $400 and have asked me to promote their products. I am fond of Barbie, as she is a nice object for men to work out their sexual fantasies and aggressions. I am not familiar with Hot Wheels, but I assume they are some sort of toy cars. I don’t know if they are big enough to sit in. But in any case, boys like to crash toy cars into each other and create imaginary carnage. I approve of this, as I believe it is normal. Some foolish parents do not allow their children to play with toys in a way that they consider to be socially or politically incorrect, but they are not stockholders of Mattel, and we should disregard them as unimportant in the march toward Progress.
People on Broadway are jaded and bored because it is not the glamorous Broadway of the old days, with fine shows and well-dressed patrons of the Arts. Now it is just another street clogged with traffic and too many foreigners. But within a few minutes the Atomic Meat Monsters will be unleashed. They will arrive through a portal in space-time, but not from alien spacecraft hovering stealthily above a city that no longer looks up. Instead, these monsters will appear from below. They have been developed in disused subway tunnels and subterranean caves by a combination of genetic engineering, atomic energy, and alien imagination. Thousands of years ago, similar monsters were created and became creatures of “mythology” — meaning, stories too fantastic to be true. But this story is true and is happening now, even if you do not read about it in your newspapers or see it on TV. (A very great many things happen that you don’t read about or hear about. I don’t blame you for that, but I don’t sympathize either. A blind, ignorant, and apathetic world fixated on trivialities and degenerate amusement deserves to be surprised. — Surprised? –No .– Stunned! Stupefied! Terrified!)
The monsters have been fed every kind of meat known to man — except man himself. And now on Broadway they will satisfy an unfulfilled craving for human flesh. Heavy applications of cosmetics, scents, and chemical goo may deter them to some degree. We can’t know that yet. But my alien friends are curious to find out. The monsters may also devour animal meats sold on the street, but I think they will mainly want to eat people. I don’t think this is a bad thing. People like to think they are at the top of the food chain, and now it is time to surprise them with a dramatic demonstration that they are not.
Those off-off-Broadway are enjoying avant-garde plays in which pretentious actors and directors explore “different modalities of body consciousness.” They will be safely far away from what is happening now on Broadway, so we will continue to be stuck with them indefinitely — alas!
When the monsters have finished eating their fill of modern people, they will be guided back into the space-time portal and be withdrawn into their subterranean spaces. The authorities will deny that anything has happened. Only I am the authoritative source on this event.
Barbie looks best when naked, and it is okay to suck on her hard body and masturbate. The newer Barbies have legs that bend at the knee, but I have never liked them much and never get off on them. Buy a traditional Barbie and brush her hair so it doesn’t get knotted, which will happen if she takes a bath with you every day. You can put her in your bathtub, but sooner or later the plastic around her neck will crack. The Hot Wheels I haven’t actually seen, but buy some anyway. Surely you know a boy who would like one. Mattel thanks you.
This concludes the story, and to those who are still here, thank you for your patronage, and do not make any disparaging comments to others because I will find out and you will be punished. Those who love me should find any old book of mine at www.abebooks.com and buy it.
Those who did not read this story to the end have been designated as expendable and may be “taken” at any time.
The power of words is no longer what it used to be — if it ever was — so I am thankful for the Atomic Meat Monsters and the aliens who have produced them. And I encourage them in their worthwhile enterprise.
Copyright@ 2013 by Crad Kilodney. E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org