Crad Kilodney--New Writings

It Happened In Seattle, Washington

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    Seaman Bunny and Seaman Benjie sat in front of the sonar detection equipment at the Alki Point U.S. Coast Guard Light Station in Puget Sound in Washington State.  They were supposed to be observing closely for any sign of the monster Golonda, which had been terrorizing residents around Puget Sound for weeks.  There were, like, a lot of fucked-up things happening, you know, like people getting ripped to pieces and boaters disappearing.  But almost none of this was reported in the news media, because the government censors all that kind of thing.  Seriously.  Like, when do the newspapers ever tell you about people being abducted by UFO’s?  Never.  Okay, so this is the same kind of thing.

    “This is boring.  I’m hungry,” said Bunny.

    “Me, too,” said Benjie.

    They unwrapped their egg salad sandwiches and began eating lunch.

    “It’s a waste of time, if you ask me,” said Bunny.  “That monster probably slipped out of the sound and it’s in the Pacific by now.”

    “Well, we don’t know that.”

    “There’s been nothing on the scope for three days.”

    Benjie shrugged.

    “Did you make this sandwich?  It tastes funny,” said Bunny.

    “Mine’s okay.”

    “Are you sure?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Taste mine and tell me if it tastes okay.”

    So Benjie took a bit of Bunny’s sandwich.  “It tastes exactly the same as mine.  It’s okay.”

    “Do you know how to tell if an egg has gone bad?”

    “No.  How?”

    “You put it in water.  If it floats, it’s bad.”

    “I didn’t know that.”

    “I read it in Martha Stewart’s magazine.”

    “You’re always reading.”

    “I read because I want to get ahead in the world,” said Bunny.

    “Oh!  Then I should ask you.  What does ‘anticlimactic’ mean?”

    “That’s like when you’re trying to come and the other person does something to ruin it.”

    “Ha.  That never happened to me,” said Benjie.

    “Bullshit.  You liar.”

    “How would you know?”

    “Leonard told me.”

    “Leonard!  That asshole!  He’s a liar!”

    “No, you’re the liar.”

    And the two of them began slapping each other and chasing each other playfully around the room and were ignoring the sonar.  During that interval of inattention, the monster Golonda slipped past Alki Point, going south.

    During the following two weeks, Golonda attacked people along the four miles of beach between Alki Point and Williams Point.  The victims, all residents of Seattle, were found half-eaten but were still identifiable:

    Luke Burbank
    Manda Factor
    Nancy Barrick
    Corwin Haeck
    Tom Hutyler
    Sally Bagshaw
    Nick Licata
    Tom Rasmussen
    Kevin Wynkoop
    Suki Dardarian
    Leon Espinoza
    James Neff
    Matt Kreamer
    Danny Westneat
    Darren Gertz
    London Agrawal
    Marta Cano-Hinz

    The government clamped a lid of secrecy on the whole thing, but now you know.

    The U.S. Coast Guard does not discriminate against gays, and that is a good thing.

    Copyright@ 2013 by Crad Kilodney.  E-mail: crad166@yahoo.com

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