Tara Reid, the star of Sharknado, was surfing off Huntington Beach, California, when she was attacked and eaten by a mako shark. Later, the shark was caught by fishermen and ended up in King’s Fish House, in Huntington Beach. Several friends of Tara Reid — Cassie Scerbo, Jaason Simmons, Ian Ziering, and Karen O’Hara — ate shark for dinner at King’s Fish House, not realizing that they were eating the very same shark that had eaten Tara.
Within a month, all four of the friends were also killed and eaten by sharks, and those sharks were caught and ended up on the dinner plates of friends of theirs at various King’s Fish House restaurants, of which there are several in California.
This is not a coincidence. There is actually some sort of universal cosmic law that governs these things, although I forget what it’s called. (“Recurrence” or “transference” or something.) Anyway, it’s a real law that exists, so don’t complain to me about these tragedies. The shark attacks are probably still going on, but I haven’t been keeping up with the news, and it’s not my problem anyway.
State Assemblyman Travis Allen, who represents Huntington Beach, asked me to work him into this story, and he even said he’d reward me. However, as you can see, the action is over, and there’s no way I can work him in without, you know, like, upsetting the style or craftsmanship or whatever. All I can say in his behalf is that I totally don’t believe in that alleged video of him smoking crack with some drug dealers. The newspaper in question (which I won’t even name, but you know which one I mean) has been getting a lot of mileage out of this bogus story, but they have yet to show this alleged video on their website. They claim they’ve seen it and they’re negotiating with the owner to buy it, but I think it’s a fake. This paper has always been against Travis Allen, so that explains it. Travis is a good guy. He laughed when I said, “A lot of Californians are no deeper than their tans.” He said it was true but he could never say that publicly.
David Michael Latt and Anthony C. Ferrante may or may not have been eaten by sharks yet. If anyone has any information that they have, I would be happy to know.
Copyright@ 2013 by Crad Kilodney. E-mail: email@example.com
Reminder: my French book, Villes Bigrement Exotiques, is still in print. Published by Le Dilettante (Paris).