Satan, begone!  Now I expose you!  You and your most evil, most foul donut shop — Tim Hortons!

    Every day countless thousands of people go into Tim Hortons, not realizing that they are becoming slaves to Satan.  They assume — as you probably do — that it’s just another donut shop.  After all, everyone knows Tim Hortons.  Or do they?

    Prepare yourselves for the shock of your lives.  The evidence is overwhelming.  Tim Hortons is the devil’s donut shop!

    What is the most common type of donut in every donut shop, the kind you’ve been eating all your life?  You guessed it: the jelly donut.  What could be more traditional?  Yet — incredibly — you will not find the jelly donut in Tim Hortons!  And why is that?  Because the jelly donut symbolizes the Holy Trinity.  The cake is God, the jelly is the blood of Christ, and the powdered sugar is the Holy Spirit.  Satan fears them all!

    What else won’t you find in Tim Hortons that is an American favorite?  The corn muffin.  And why?  Because corn is the holiest of grains.  “I will send you corn and wine, and oil, and ye shall be satisfied therewith.”  (Joel 2:19).  “And the sons of Israel came to buy corn among those that came: for the famine was in the land of Canaan.”  (Genesis 42:5).  “The fountain of Jacob shall be upon a land of corn and wine.”  (Deuteronomy 33:28).  “And they did eat of the old corn of the land on the morrow after the passover, unleavened cakes, and parched corn on the selfsame day.”  (Joshua 5:11).  “Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn.”  (1 Timothy 5:18).

    Oh, sure, Tim’s has other kinds of muffins — strange kinds that are supposedly healthy and “organic.”  But what’s really in them?  The staff won’t tell you because they themselves don’t know.  But those muffins contain certain ingredients that are used in witchcraft and satanic rituals.  You can hardly taste them, but they’re there.

    Tim’s does sell the Hawaiian donut, of course.  You know that one.  It’s got all those multi-colored sprinkles.  What’s that all about, eh?  PAGANISM!  The colors represent the blood and guts of the slaughtered victims of cannibals and devil-worshippers, and you’re eating them, too!

    How about sandwiches?  What is the most normal kind of sandwich that you’d expect to find in any normal Christian donut shop?  The egg salad sandwich.  Think of Easter eggs.  Good for you — but bad for Satan!  In fact, every world religion respects the egg salad sandwich.  But Tim’s doesn’t sell the egg salad sandwich!  Now you know why.

    The evidence is just beginning.  There’s more — much more.

    Have you ever noticed the long lines in Tim Hortons?  It’s typical: a long line of customers waiting very passively to be served in a shop that is always understaffed.  (More profits for Satan, doncha know!)  In any other store, people would walk out.  But not in Tim’s.  Why?  Because as soon as they walk in, they are under the control of the Brain Control Machine hidden in the ceiling.  It paralyzes the human will and turns people into zombies, while simultaneously transmitting subconscious messages to worship Satan.  These Brain Control Machines were first introduced in the Canadian stores in the late 90’s and proved so successful that they are now being installed in all the American stores.

    There is no starker example of the Brain Control Machine at work than the store at the corner of Bloor and Sherbourne in Toronto.  Customers are utterly oblivious to the passage of time.  They wait forever, and the line goes all the way to the door.  Outside, a “beggar” stands with a cup, pretending to open the door for people.  Incredibly, he is allowed to stand there.  And why?  Because he is really a demonic agent “marking” customers as future slaves for Satan.

    Now let’s consider the name TIM HORTONS and look for its hidden meanings.  The anagrams are extraordinary:

    MOON THIRST — Pure pagan lust!  You can just visualize crazed satanists shrieking and dancing beneath a full moon.

    MOIST THORN — Blood sacrifice!  It’s so obvious.

    ORTON SMITH — This satanic cult leader was the scourge of the Massachusetts Bay Colony in the 1600’s.  He was alleged to have a gang of over two hundred witches.

    Now let’s take a look at the people behind Tim Hortons:

    Paul D. House, Chairman — He ran a gas station in Hamilton, Ontario, in 1970.  At that time all Hamilton gas stations were controlled by the highly secret Promethean Society, which claimed to receive power and knowledge directly from Satan himself.

    Marc Caira, President and CEO — Formerly with Nestle.  There is a secret relationship between Tim Hortons, Nestle, and the Bilderbergs, whose true agenda is to prepare the way for the Antichrist.

    Keith Conklin, Director — Another one of the Nestle cabal.  He was once handed a Bible and dropped it as if it burned his hands.

    William Moir, Director — Has a tattoo virtually identical to the old Lever Brothers logo, which that company was forced to drop after it was identified as satanic by an American Christian organization.

    Mike Harris, Director — Former Premier of Ontario.  He has always been deeply into occultism and knows everyone important in the world of devil worship.

    Dave Newnham, Director — Has said publicly that he was against the burning of witches.  Favorite movie: The Exorcist.

    Gary O’Neill, Director — Manages a company called Corey Craig Enterprises, which sells ouija boards all over Europe.

    Michele Allison, Director — This woman can kill animals by staring at them.

    Donald B. Schroeder, Director and former President and CEO — Travels frequently to Transylvania, where he claims to have property interests.  Also reputed to have access to the three secret entrances in the earth that lead to the subterranean caves of the Deroes, a race created by Satan.

    Frank Slavik, Director — A.k.a. “The Slavic Devil.”  Virtually all documentation about this man’s personal history has been destroyed.  Not one of his former landlords is still alive.

    Nick Javor, Director — Is said to be immune to poison ivy and to have the ability to pass through locked doors.  Has an immense library devoted to the occult.  Roots for the Duke University Blue Devils.

    Not one of the above-mentioned individuals has ever been seen in church.  Not one has ever been seen wearing a cross.

    Still not convinced?  Okay.  I’ve saved the clincher for last.  Before writing this article, I e-mailed the corporate office of Tim Hortons and asked very politely if any of their executives or directors accepted Jesus Christ as their lord and savior and would be willing to say so openly.  And what sort of reply did I get?  No reply at all.  Dead silence.  (Hey, are they ashamed to say?)  Make of that what you will.

    I won’t go into Tim Hortons.  I don’t want to be a slave to Satan.  Do you?

    Copyright@ 2013 by Crad Kilodney.  E-mail: